Self-portrait or how to accept your imperfect looks
For those who are my old Facebook friends it's no secret I already had 5000 friends and since I wasn't comfortable with deleting any of you, there were no other option than to open a new account. I used same name and all the photos were my artworks. But it happened that in my new profile I got into a group of friends that share really a lot. Not only their art work, but also deeper insights into their working progress, learning, thoughts and feelings about their art and creativity and sometimes even private stuff.
Lately I've decided to do my self-portrait and change my FB name because I started to notice that my name and my profile photo are a little to impersonal in regard to others. And people didn't know how to call me or they called me Kras, which is ok, but it's not my name. I've chosen this name in the first place because I thought my name is strange to pronounce for everybody outside my country and to make my brand name more recognizable. And now I've got a feeling it seems I'm hiding behind it.
Since I'm lately doing portraits in style of my Four Seasons Collection I thought to make my self-portrait in that style too. I know I'm not pretty, but making my self-portrait pointed that out very loudly. Although I like to say I love and respect myself just the way I am, it became clear this isn't totally true.
For one, I've chosen a photo to work on that is 18 years old so there is obviously an issue here. And I really am in peace with myself and the person I turned out to be. But when I see myself in the mirror I'd go: "Whoa, lady, what are you doing in my bathroom?".
I find it sad that I never judge people by their looks and always find beauty in others, but when it comes to me I have no mercy...I guess I'll eventually have to resolve some stuff with myself.
Well, the self-portrait is done, I put it on my FB profile, but it felt strange from the beginning. Yesterday I knew for sure I didn't feel good watching it with this younger version of me. That's it. The day before I was nagging how I can't get used to my older look, but going through my old and new photos I came to a conclusion that maybe showing my age is not that horrible. (Drama queen, I know, sorry).
So bye-bye self-portrait, I'll be using a new photo for a while and then I'll make a new self-portrait of a REAL me - the person I'm now, with more flaws on the outside, but better in every way inside.